NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR Brisk, erect walk Standing with hands on hips Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly Sitting, legs apart Arms crossed on chest Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched Hand to cheek Touching, slightly rubbing nose Rubbing the eye Hands clasped behind back Locked ankles Head resting in hand, eyes downcast Rubbing hands Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed Open palm Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed Tapping or drumming fingers Steepling fingers Patting/fondling hair Tilted head Stroking chin Looking down, face turned away Biting nails Pulling or tugging at ear

INTERPRETATION Confidence Readiness, aggression Boredom Open, relaxed Defensiveness Dejection Evaluation, thinking Rejection, doubt, lying Doubt, disbelief Anger, frustration, apprehension Apprehension Boredom Anticipation Confidence, superiority Sincerity, openness, innocence Negative evaluation Impatience Authoritative Lack of self-confidence; insecurity Interest Trying to make a decision Disbelief Insecurity, nervousness Indecision

Message clusters

Body language comes in clusters of signals and postures, depending on the internal emotions and mental states. Recognizing a whole cluster is thus far more reliable than trying to interpret individual elements.

· Aggressive body language: Showing physical threat.

· Attentive body language: Showing real interest.

· Bored body language: Just not being interested.

· Closed body language: Many reasons are closed.

· Deceptive body language: Seeking to cover up lying or other deception.

· Defensive body language: Protecting self from attack.

· Dominant body language: Dominating others.

· Emotional body language: Identifying feelings.

· Evaluating body language: Judging and deciding about something.

· Greeting body language: Meeting rituals.

· Open body language: Many reasons for being open.

· Power body language: Demonstrating one's power.

· Ready body language: Wanting to act and waiting for the trigger.

· Relaxed body language: Comfortable and unstressed.

· Romantic body language: Showing attraction to others.

· Submissive body language: Showing you are prepared to give in.

18 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE

1. Don't cross your arms or legs - You have probably already heard you shouldn't cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don't stare - If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you'll get used to it.

3. Don't be afraid to take up some space - Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders - When you feel tense it's easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking - nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don't overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don't slouch, sit up straight - but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much - If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you're confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don't lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh - lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don't be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don't keep a smile plastered on your face, you'll seem insincere.

9. Don't touch your face - it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up - Don't keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit - this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don't snap you're neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don't fidget - try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You'll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently - instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don't use them to much or it might become distracting. And don't let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink - don't hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don't hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends - many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don't stand too close - one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don't invade it.

17. Mirror - Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person's body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don't react instantly and don't mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude - last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

 

 

 

Translation: Makbule E. Dündar

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